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High Hopes
 Tuesday, May 6, 2014  6:52 AM  0 Comment(s)But I've got high hopes, it takes me back to when we started High hopes, when you let it go, go out and start again High hopes, when it all comes to an end But the world keeps spinning around
I've been always expecting too much because I have high hopes. Where is the perfect me, where is the perfect him, where is the perfect life?
Two more weeks.
k.
 Sides
Listening to a slow instrumental song, to calm down my mind on a Sunday. Sometimes, I am just being too emotional, towards anything, as in like I am the main character in my own movie.
Only letting the natural sunlight entering my room, passing through my purple curtains, entering my eyesight.
Works not done, not complaining, but working on em' real slow. I want to see flowers bloom and picnic with my friends, having some stupid talks and never worry about the time. Some tea, cookies, cakes, just perfect. I feel uncertain over stuffs, I feel awkward and scare. Not secure. Hug me and protect me girls *wink*
Paragraph by paragraph, eyeballs burning again. Honestly, I don't even have time to look at my books, or even my magazines. I can only just watch TV and stare at my laptop all the time. Although I did nothing for my assignment but I am still staring at my laptop screen. Just simply staring and wasting my time, for not even typing a single sentence for my assignment.
I look at Max, he looks pretty sad these days. No one plays with him, I am sad too.
Wanted to finish reading my supersized BAZAAR magazine issue, I really want to. I want to get G bear, regretting not getting one. I want to get all the magazines I love. I want to own magazines with GD's faces on it. I want everything. Everything that I want. I want bags, bracelets, purses, clothes, shoes, necklaces, rings, makeups, books, magazines, etc etc etc.
Forcing myself back to the assignment world, till then.
K
Not everything has to mean something. Sometimes you have to accept the fact that things are the way they are.
What's wrong? I couldn't put a finger to it, it's nothing, or so I say. It probably was nothing and I was just over-thinking it, as usual. There's probably no meaning to those things, no meanings, no meanings but why do I hope...? I should not start with this again, all this dilemmas and getting all those anxiety monsters eating me up. I just keep breaking things, make things turn sour, and hurt people. Over and over I tell myself, zero expectations. zero expectations. Expect nothing, I don't even have the right to expect something from them when all I do is neglect and hurt them. Like a convenience store, I only go when I need something, push them away as easily. Someone like me isn't worth your time. Go back before you hurt yourself again. I'm the type to feel worse thinking you're in pain, cause of me. It's a even more bitter feeling than me getting hurt.
Rain check. Rain is falling... on my face. It's nothing but I couldn't stop over-thinking stuffs. Like I'll never be happy anymore. I hope you'll be happy, though. Everyone else did, after me. Don't come back. I have a weak soul so I wouldn't be able to do it again.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
Signing off, F.
4:02pm January 5th
Moving on to another chapter, I was in great intense. Looking back to my previous blogs, I always, always, always do blog post before my exams. Maybe I am too worry about everything and I write online to express how I feel. I wish I am having a movie now, with someone who would like to join me along. That will be fun.Yea, fun. Simply fun and with flavored popcorn would be perfect. Still can recall how I complained about internship, so tiring. I thought studying would be better and when I came back to my origins, I want to work again. Life like this, always not fulfilled with what you have. Always complain and make noises. It's already Sunday. K
Getting all worked up about first class.
“I, too, remember the feeling. You are caught between all that was and all that must be. You feel lost.
Fang is worried.
Random post
I don't know man, you're probably wondering why do I still have time to blog. While waiting for the 'computer guy' to fix the cctv problems, I am currently stuck in my study room with my dog and yeah, he keeps his barking talent skill ongoing. I had so much of worries about my exam and I don't even know whether it is normal. I can worry so much until I can't go to bed in the night. Everything just happens to appear on my mind during the night. Not only exam subjects, I thought of so much of stuffs. Accidentally broke the glass coffee table beside the pond, of course it is a small one, I can't break a huge table with ma ass. Was fooling around with my dog and that's when I got up, woolah, it went glass snowing. I hurt myself a little, no doubt, but I am guilty cause it was a great mess. Pieces of glasses even went into the pond, sorry fishes. Now you have to wear slippers to enter that 'restricted area'. Was craving for sweet potato balls, it was like for a year plus and I have this strong craving heading back to me today. I watched GD on weekly idol yesterday and yes, it was so funny. He has this glamour, determination and talent and etc. etc. Maybe my friends would only thought that I admired his songs and fashion just because it turns into a trend but that was not really true. I admired his personality much, he is so eager to have things done the way he wants it, he is a great model. He has this determination and idk just amazing personality that I admire so so much. 
Still have 5 chapters for management. I only completed one. I am just really panic.
Till then.
K
I need to get a grip, like seriously getting hold of myself.
I feel like I'm going to drop dead over-thinking this.
I'm always like over-worrying about little things,
and under-worrying about serious things.
I can't... I don't know how to get rid of my anxiety or stop being paranoid.
And of course, my face would be as usual, can't show my anxiety and shit.
Unless of course, I'm at the edge and I can't help it.
I drop into a hold, crying out, waiting for a hand.
Pfft'd weakling. Not that I can help it, that's who I am.
A coward, a hypocrite. I'm still anxious and not self-depreciating.
I just wanted to rant.
芳
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